Premarital Counseling Topics (from Tim St. John, 2026.03)
Hey everyone, I’d really value your input. As you think about premarital counseling (or the first year of your own marriage), what topics do you wish we had stronger, clearer, or more practical resources on? Are there areas where couples consistently feel underprepared? Conversations that tend to surface six months in, when the wedding glow fades and real life sets in?
I made a list of topics I’m thinking through. Feel free to add additional topics:
The First 6–12 Months of Marriage
- Navigating the first holidays and vacations, juggling family expectations and in-laws
- Sex in the first year: expectations, communication, disappointment, growth
- Adjusting pre-existing friendships and ministry commitments
- Learning how to do ministry together instead of in parallel
- Finding marriage mentors early on
Identity & Expectations
- Moving from “my way is right” to discovering the new couple way
- Managing early, often unspoken expectations
- The fallacy of “improving” your spouse rather than helping them become who God designed them to be
- Writing a clear marriage mission statement: Why are we getting married? What is God’s purpose for us?
Communication & Conflict
- Establishing healthy communication rhythms (text vs. face-to-face, timing hard conversations, daily/weekly check-ins)
- How to give a robust, thorough apology
- What biblical forgiveness really means and why it’s essential for longevity
- How to engage conflict without responding sinfully
- How to talk about each other’s sin and what is appropriate (or not) to share with others
Practical Life stuff
- Merging finances and handling different spending/saving instincts
- Establishing basic home rhythms and routines
- Finding a church together: his church, her church, or “our” church
- Family planning conversations: waiting vs. trying to conceive
- Balancing in-laws, especially during holidays
Biblical Counseling in Marriage
- How to bear one another’s burdens
- What lamenting together looks like
- How to help one another fight temptation
- Understanding and embracing biblical roles in a way that is beautiful, not rigid or reactionary
And even questions like:
- How much of your past should you share before marriage?
- When does transparency become unhelpful detail? (edited)
Jason Ho [2:58 PM]
Great list Tim!
To add to finances - budgeting (should we try to live on one salary?), separate vs joint accounts, savings, generosity, discretionary spending
Also under family planning - should we have kids?
Brian Kosobayashi [4:20 PM]
Also under family planning, if you do have kids, expectations/plans for children’s education - public school, private school, homeschool
Christian Hedland [4:36 PM]
this isn’t a resource but maybe having some sort of check-in/follow up system in place after getting married to see how things are going and walk alongside the couple as they wrestle with these things. ideally with the pastor who counseled them or a trusted couple.
[4:41 PM]
also talking to friends, and this was true for us, the most unexpected and greatest area of conflict was the little, practical things like going to bed at the same time, screen time/being present, and chores. can perhaps be overlooked in counseling because it these seem minute and insignificant.
Wayne Hu [4:46 PM]
amazing list Tim, love all of these topics, now if you could write a book… 
on top of talking through more content, similar to going to the gym and learning new workouts and having a trainer help you do the reps and make sure you have the right form etc., i know i would love to have more time to “exercise” and “workout” together with couples and helping them practice how to do everyday things like how to have a humble and respectful conversations, how to ask good follow up questions and listen, how to respectfully disagree, how to confess sin, how to give feedback to one another and respond back, etc.
so working on their heart posture as well as figuring out solutions to decisions