Differentiating Desire from Identity

**Editor’s Note:**Our October 2025 mini-series on the BCC Grace and Truth blog addresses the topic of believers who struggle with same-sex attraction. In this final article, Kyle Johnston encourages us to de-link sexual desire from questions of identity. In other contributions to the series, Keith Evans offers a biblical call to address same-sex attraction at the root by repenting not only of actions but of desires, and Ellen Dykas examines the lure of romanticized friendships between women.

We live in a cultural moment that is historically unique in various ways. One of the unique features is how we think about the relationship between desires and identity.

A brief contrast might help us see this: in traditional societies, people would realize their identity through rejecting their desires and conforming to their familial or societal expectations. But in the contemporary perspective, as Timothy Keller explains, “we become ourselves only by asserting our individual desires against society, by expressing our feelings and fulfilling our dreams regardless of what anyone says.”[1] Previously, identity meant suppressing personal desires to fit in; now, it involves expressing them regardless of outside pressures.

This relationship between individual desires and identity is especially evident when people talk about their sexuality, where sexual preferences are seen as a significant dimension of personal identity. Historian and theologian Carl Trueman points out that, because of the influence of Freud, modern people now define themselves through the lens of their sexual desires:

“Freud has provided the West with a compelling myth…the idea that sex, in terms of sexual desire and sexual fulfillment, is the real key to human existence…And thinking of human beings as fundamentally defined by their sexual desires is virtually intuitive for us all. We are categorized as straight, gay, bi, queer, and so on; and sexual preferences, once considered private and personal, are now matters of public interest, means by which we are recognized.”[2]

We now see this all around us: sexual desire has become a key identity marker in our society. This link between desire and identity also increases the sense of distress many Christians experience when they notice that they have same-sex attraction. Because it suggests that it’s not only a battle about sexual desire – it’s a deeper crisis about identity.

The linking of sexual desire and fundamental identity can actually create a crisis of faith, because the Christian struggling with same-sex attraction might think: Can I even be a Christian if I have these desires? Aren’t these desires an indicator that I’m really someone else?

But is this link legitimate? Should we connect sexual desires to personal identity?

Sexual Desire Is Polymorphic

In an excellent article that examines a case study of same-sex attraction, David Powlison points out that “sexual lust is polymorphous and promiscuous.”[3] What Powlison means is that sinful sexual desire can exist in various forms.

There’s a simple way to see this from Scripture. Can I encourage you to pause from reading this article and open up the Bible to Leviticus 18? Read the whole chapter (really, try to take a moment and read it). Then ask yourself two questions:

• What does God forbid when it comes to sexual activity?

• What does this teach me about the nature of sinful sexual desire?
  The answer to those two questions is relatively straightforward:

• God prohibits His people from participating in the sexual practices that were a feature of the surrounding cultures. This prohibition extended to various forms of sexual activity (including sexual activity with animals (Lev. 18:23)). To use Powlison’s language, the surrounding culture had polymorphic sexual activities, and God prohibits His people from engaging in them.

• What this teaches us about the nature of sinful desire is obvious: God prohibits these polymorphic expressions of sexual activity because He recognizes the capacity for polymorphous sexual lust.
  The point might be easier to understand by way of contrast: sexual lust doesn’t have a stable “orientation”—it is more fluid (and promiscuous) than that. Sexual lust can attach to various people. Now, this is not to say that all people experience constant fluidity in their sexual desires. But it is to recognize something the Bible teaches: that sexual desire is fluid.

This means that people should not be surprised to find themselves experiencing a range of various sinful desires. In fact, the Bible would not contain all the prohibitions it does contain if people were not tempted by the various forms of sexual lust that exist.

Let’s develop this one step further: given the polymorphous nature of sexual desire, it would be very unwise to employ sexual desire as a basis for personal identity.

De-link Sexuality from Identity

Sexual desire in Scripture is de-linked from questions of identity. Despite the variety of sexual brokenness Scripture recognizes, it never teaches us that we are the sum total of our broken desires. While we struggle with sinful desires, we are people made in God’s image and—through Christ—adopted into God’s family.

This can be a relief to anyone who experiences fluidity in their sexual desires, because those fluctuating desires are not who they are. We do not become our true selves by asserting our desires. We have an identity given to us by God, even though we experience sinful desires that we need to acknowledge and repent of.

In my counseling ministry, I have found that de-linking sexuality from identity is good news for people who struggle with same-sex attraction. Our culture will tell someone with same-sex attraction that to deny those desires is to deny who they really are—but that’s not true. Desire in and of itself is not an indicator of identity. Wonderfully, our identity is something that we receive from God as a gracious gift, twice over. By creation, we are made in God’s image; by redemption, we are forgiven of our sins and adopted as God’s children. That’s who we really are.

This liberating truth enables us to be honest about our struggles with sin, knowing that whatever fluctuating desires we might have, in Christ, we are God’s children. So don’t let your various struggles with sexual lust distort your sense of identity. If you are a Christian, you are loved by God. You are His child, no matter what desires you struggle with.

Questions for Reflection

1. Why do you think our culture links questions about sexual desire to questions about personal identity?
2. What does it mean for sexual desires to be polymorphous and promiscuous?
3. What truths from Scripture help you remember who you are in Christ when you feel pulled in different directions by different desires?

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[1] Timothy Keller, Preaching(Penguin, 2016), 134. Keller’s section on “the sovereign self” is a helpful exploration (and critique) of this contemporary idea.

[2] Carl Trueman, The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self(Crossway, 2020), 204.

[3] David Powlison, The Ambiguously Cured Soul, JBC, Vol. 19:3, p. 6.