Caring for Victims of Clergy Spiritual Abuse (Part 2)
Caring for Victims of Clergy Spiritual Abuse (Part 2)
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By: Anna Mondal
In Part One, we examined the dynamics and damage of clergy spiritual abuse. People emerging from abusive climates may struggle with spiritual fatigue and anxiety related to God and Scripture. In light of this, what are some practical considerations as we counsel victims of spiritual abuse?❲1❳
Build Trust
Your counselee was harmed in a spiritual context, and she may be fearful of further harm from biblical counsel. She may be suspicious, agitated, or withdrawn—it’s your job to establish a safe environment. Don’t be a looming, loud presence, and don’t mimic past abuse by issuing commands or taking control. Go slowly and learn her whole story before you blurt out solutions (Prov. 15:2, 28; 20:5).
Listen, Legitimize, and Lament
Your counselee is suffering. Acknowledge the loss: “you’ve been deeply hurt. I’m sad it happened in the church.” Don’t be overly reactive: “that man was a wolf in shepherd’s clothing!” Instead, ask questions to understand the scope of abuse:
- How did your pastor influence your view of God?
- What were common church culture expectations (e.g., attendance, ministry involvement, marriage roles)?
- What did the pastor say, do, or suggest that caused confusion or harm?
Your counselee may feel shame or anger as she vocalizes these things. She may feel betrayed by friends and family who still support the abusive pastor. She has lost a church, community, and maybe even her reputation in one fell swoop—she must lament these losses.❲2❳
Acknowledge Scripture’s Felt Unsafety
Don’t assume Scripture feels safe. For some victims of spiritual abuse, opening your Bible is equivalent to brandishing a dagger. Collaborate to track her reactions: “some people find it upsetting to hear certain verses, especially if they were used to hurt them. Will you tell me if I say anything that triggers painful memories?” ❲3❳ If she’s willing, uncover why these passages are painful.
The point is not to address everything immediately (“1 Peter 3 is not about that at all!”) or insulate her from bad memories (“We’ll never read John 15 again!”). The point is to assess precisely where the hurt happened so you can (eventually) offer precise hope. The initial stages are something like flying over a warzone to survey the bombed-out places. Later, you’ll touch down and reclaim ground. Your long-term goal is to reframe God and Scripture in true, faithful, life-giving ways. God’s Word has much to say, but she may not be able to hear it now (John 16:12).
Emphasize a Heart-Centric Relationship with Scripture
Your counselee’s understanding of Scripture may be hyper-intellectualized. Abusive contexts often have perfectionistic, academically overweight cultures that discourage contemplative or affective reading. Puritan Richard Sibbes writes that over-cerebralized Bible study “makes people think religion to be only a matter of cleverness, in tying and untying of knots. The brains of men inclining that way are hotter usually than their hearts.” ❲4❳
Speak to your counselee’s heart. Slowly create an appetite for the beauty of God’s redemptive metanarrative. Show her the profound simplicity of Scripture—which is “shallow enough for a child to wade in, deep enough for an elephant to swim in.” ❲5❳ The Gospels are a beautiful place to begin.
When Jesus explained His kingdom, He used everyday images and common language. Elaine Storkey writes, “[Jesus’] stories often relate to…domestic lives—sweeping rooms, baking bread, looking for lost coins, being pregnant, facing authorities and seeking justice.” ❲6❳ Show your counselee the Spirit-aided approachability of God’s Word (Deut. 30:14; John 16:13; Heb. 10:16).
Explain the Father: Show Christ
Your counselee’s functional theology may be rife with fear, shame, and performance-based righteousness. If she experienced an abusive shepherd, she will need a clearer picture of the Good Shepherd. You must throw open the shutters and show her the light, life, and love that Jesus offers (John 10-17; 1 John 1).❲7❳
Christ empathizes with her experience. Jesus was the recipient of twisted Scripture: both Satan and religious oppressors tested Him by throwing the law and prophets in His face (Matt. 4:1-11; 16:1; Mark 8:11). He knows what it’s like to be exhausted, and to need care (Isa. 53; Matt. 4:11). If your counselee’s heart is broken and disgraced, He knows (Ps. 69:19-21; Rom. 15:3).
Jesus is nothing like abusive pastors. He condemns religious elites who “shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces” and make God seem inaccessible (Matt. 23:13-14). He denounces those who desire recognition, but who crush people’s souls under a weight they won’t touch (Matt. 23:4-7). In contrast, Jesus invites His followers to come to Him and be unburdened, to come and rest (Matt. 11:28-30).❲8❳
Remember God’s Vision of Power
Jesus came to explain the Father to us (John 1:18), and He used His power to serve and love . His authority healed the tormented; it didn’t further torment (Luke 6:18-19). John’s Gospel offers a vivid performance parable (John 13:3-5, CSB):
“Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under His power… [so He] took off His outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around His waist…poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet.” ❲9❳
Remind your counselee that Jesus’ heart is humble, and He serves (Matt. 11:28-30; Luke 22:27). He says the greatest people are not prominent and recognized, but small and servant-like (Matt. 18:3; Luke 22:26; John 3:30).❲10❳_He_calls_her_into_a_flourishing_life_of_humility,_justice,_mercy,and_faithfulness—not_simply_religious_precision❲11❳ (Matt. 23:11-12, 23).
Conclusion
God promises to shepherd His people with justice (Ezek. 34:1-16; Rev. 7:17). But in this lifetime, His people may experience injustice and harm. Your counselee’s hope cannot be found in vengeance, public exposure of the abusive leader,❲12❳_finding_a_better_church,_or_opting_to_go_churchless._Solid_hope_is_always_found_in_God,_who,_in_the_face_of_pastoral_malpractice,_seeks_the_lost,_brings_back_the_strays,_bandages_the_injured,and_strengthens_the_weak(Ezek._34:16;_Ps._23;_Isa._61)._And_He_does_these_things_through_His_people,through_people_like_you(Matt._25:35-40)._As_you_counsel,_seek_to_model_and_reflect_the_Better_Shepherd,_the_Wonderful_Counselor,who_never_crushes_the_weak_or_breaks_the_bruised(Matt._12:19-21;_Isa._9:6;_40:10-11).❲13❳
Questions for Reflection
- How will you lead your counselee into worship and wonder?
- How could you use Jesus’ life and teachings to offer her a pathway back into hope?
❲1❳ As a woman who counsels women, I use feminine pronouns throughout. However, these considerations are equally appropriate for men counseling men.
❲2❳ Helpful resources to guide lament: A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, Dark Clouds Deep Mercies by Mark Vroegop, and Spurgeon’s Sorrows by Zack Eswine (particularly for counselees experiencing depression in the aftermath of spiritual abuse, which is common).
❲3❳ It’s unrealistic and unkind to expect a victim of spiritual abuse (or any form of abuse) to self-advocate immediately. She will need time, trust, and safety before she feels confident enough to tell you when something triggers a painful memory or strikes her wrongly. Part of a counselor’s responsibility is to continually check in and get feedback from the counselee: “what is your reaction to what I just said?” or “what are you thinking right now?” or “what associations do you have with that Scripture passage?” Don’t expect her to do all the work for you—ask good questions.
❲4❳ Richard Sibbes, The Bruised Reed (Carlisle, PA: The Banner of Truth Trust, orig. 1630, reprint 2011), page 28.
❲5❳ This ancient riddle was historically applied to John’s Gospel. See Ben Witherington III, The Indelible Image: The Theological and Ethical Thought World of the New Testament: The Individual Witnesses (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press Academic, 2010), 468.
❲6❳ Elaine Storkey, Scars Across Humanity: Understanding and Overcoming Violence Against Women (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2018), 225.
❲7❳ We model Christ with embodied words, with truthful teaching as well as with our own treatment of our counselees.
❲8❳ Throughout all the Gospels, Jesus teaches ( and models ) self-denial, cross-carrying, and bearing other people’s burdens as part of the cost of discipleship. “Rest” in Christ isn’t a passive relaxation into selfishness, but it’s also not a self-sufficient straining. Jesus calls us to a life He exemplified. It’s significant to note that even as He literally carried His cross, in the face of physiological, emotional, mental, and spiritual exhaustion, He accepted help from Simon the Cyrene (Mark 15:21).
❲9❳ For this example of power-as-loving service, I owe Dr. Michael Horton, who lectured on the topic at the Valued Conference (San Diego, March 2019, message linked here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTKBMXFKH1k ).
❲10❳ “The result [of humility] is that we shrink, and end up seeing ourselves as less—less nice, less able, less wise, less good, less strong, less steady, less committed, less of a piece—than we ever thought we were…The Christian will practice curling up small, as it were, so that in and through him or her the Savior may show himself great.” J.I Packer, The J.I. Packer Classic Collection: Daily Readings for Your Spiritual Journey (Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 2010), 70.
❲11❳ This is not to say doctrinal precision is pointless. It’s not. But it can’t be the chief defining characteristic of a Christian. We are known by our love and our actions, not primarily our creeds and correct ideas (John 13:35; James 2:19-21).
❲12❳ Though in many cases public exposure of a spiritually abusive leader is good, right, and necessary. Hope in God’s ultimate vengeance doesn’t at all preclude human advocacy, truth-telling, and justice-seeking.
❲13❳ “What every soul [we care for] needs is to hear the voice of the Good Shepherd speak through His Word… Our job as pastors [and counselors] is to see to it that each person hears the word they need for their unique circumstance. Impenitent sinners need his word of correction and judgment…broken and contrite souls need to hear that Christ has borne their sin in his own body…souls wounded by others need to hear that in his redeeming love Jesus also soothes their hurts and heals their wounds.” Harold L. Senkbeil, The Care of Souls: Cultivating a Pastor’s Heart (Lexham Press, 2019), 98-99, emphasis mine.