Caring for Victims of Clergy Spiritual Abuse (Part 1)
Caring for Victims of Clergy Spiritual Abuse (Part 1)
Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on email
Share on print
By: Anna Mondal
In the final book of C.S. Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia, Shift the Ape, an evil genius, bullies Puzzle the Donkey into wearing a lion skin to pose as Aslan, Narnia’s creator (who hasn’t been seen for a long time). He spins an elaborate tale of all the good they could do, claiming Aslan himself sent the skin as a mark of his favor. Puzzle is afraid the mimicry is disrespectful, but Shift belittles him into submission: “you don’t understand these things.” ❲1❳_When_the_ruse_is_finally_exposed,after_great_evil_is_done_in_Aslan’s_name,Puzzle_says:“The_Ape_said_Aslan__wanted_me_to_dress_up_like_that._And_I_thought_he’d_know.I’m_not_clever_like_him.”❲2❳
Put another way, an authoritative character twisted sacred realities to harm the vulnerable. He quashed resistance with a claim to higher knowledge. He misrepresented the creator and ultimately made others too afraid to approach him. Lewis’s fictional vignette reflects the damage done when an authority figure supposedly speaks for God but doesn’t act like Him: God is misrepresented, and people are trampled. This is the damage of spiritual abuse.❲3❳
What is Spiritual Abuse?
Many pastors ❲4❳ I know are humble, teachable, and self-giving men who lovingly shepherd their people with grace and truth. But, like anyone else, pastors are flawed and limited humans: they can botch counseling sessions, make theologically off-tune remarks, and hurt people. They will need to ask for forgiveness. If we expect otherwise, we are elevating them to a level to which no human can ascend.
But there’s a difference between a pastor who is flawed and growing and a pastor who is spiritually abusive.❲5❳One_of_the_meanings_of_our_word“abuse”_is__misuse—_the_act_of_using_a_privilege(like_power)_excessively_or_wrongly.❲6❳ Abuse is power misused; spiritual abuse is spiritual power used wrongly (“lording over” others or selfishly exercising authority — Matt. 20:25-27; 1 Pet. 5:2-3). Instead of reflecting the Good Shepherd, a “spiritually abusive pastor intimidates, judges, condemns, shames, and blames the sheep without regard for [their] spiritual wellbeing…(Jeremiah 23:1-4; Matthew 23:1-39),” writes Bob Kelleman.❲7❳ An abusive pastor uses his platform for oppressive teaching and alienates his congregation from God’s goodness and mercy.
Wise leaders are characterized by humility, mercy, and consideration of others (James 3:13-18), but abusive leaders are condescending, critical, and micromanaging. They might use Scripture to veil their sinful behavior or validate their personal preferences.❲8❳ Rick Thomas writes:
“Abusive pastors are usually controllers…There is one way to do things, and it is his way. You will not find a lot of biblical liberty that taps into the diversity in the body of Christ. Alternate opinions are not encouraged or celebrated.” ❲9❳
Instead of gently caring for the weak (1 Thess. 5:14), an abusive leader bulldozes them.❲10❳_He_interrogates_a_single_mom_who_is_late_to_church_or_rashly_excommunicates_a_combat_veteran_struggling_with_painkiller_addiction._He_publicly_or_privately_jibes_women_who_ask_hard_questions.❲11❳ This fosters a culture of fear, shame, and performance-based Christianity, no matter how much the pastor preaches grace (Matt. 7:15-20; James 2:16).
What’s the Impact?
Because we are embodied souls, spiritual abuse impacts people on tangible and intangible levels.❲12❳Mary_DeMuth_writes,“often_you_don’t_realize_you’re_in_an_abusive_situation_until_your_health_is_damaged,_your_soul_is_torn,or_your_outside_relationships_suffer.”❲13❳
What are some ways victims suffer?
Spiritual Fatigue and Insecurity
A controlling climate creates burdened people. Where Jesus is King, there is peace, rest, and hope (Matt. 11:28-30; John 14:27; 16:33), but where the pastor is king, people are weighed down (Matt. 23:4). Victims are afraid to disappoint the pastor, decline a ministry opportunity, or disagree with church leadership, even when there are evident problems. This exhausting posture of performance and insecurity can bleed into a victim’s work, health, and relationships.❲14❳
Dread of God
Abusive pastors distort their congregants’ view of God. God’s character becomes tinted by the pastor’s—He seems lofty, harsh, and hard to please.❲15❳ Victims rarely feel safe to abide in fellowship with God (which brings joy and reflexive desire to obey—John 15:1-8). Rather, they feel pressure to articulate correct ideas about Him. Instead of boldly approaching God’s throne, they are plagued by paranoia. The Father’s house becomes a place of panic attacks.
Scriptural Skittishness
Victims of spiritual abuse may experience anxiety when reading the Bible.❲16❳They_may_have_been_accused_with_Scripture(“this_verse_is_in_the_context_of_God’s_judgment,_only_ignorant_people_apply_it_as_a_comfort!”)_rather_than_lovingly_and_patiently_instructed._The_very_Words_of_Life_that_illuminate_Christ_instead_feel_confusing_and_unapproachable.❲17❳ This is crucial to consider as we counsel victims–the Scripture you use to offer hope may still cling heavy with shame.
Conclusion
Spiritual abuse is a misuse of power that misrepresents God and damages valuable, vulnerable people. But in Christ, we find a Greater Shepherd who offers His life to invite us into His rest (Ps. 23:1-3; John 10:11; Heb. 4:9-10). In the next post, we’ll look at practical ways to counsel victims of spiritual abuse.
Question for Reflection
How have past spiritual authorities influenced your counselee’s view of God, Scripture, and self?
❲1❳ This abusive ape goes so far as to use “Aslan’s will” to silence the donkey. After a thunderous roar from heaven, Puzzle insists it’s a sign from Aslan that their plan is wrong and disrespectful. Shift quickly counters: “I was just going to say that if the real Aslan, as you call him, meant us to go on with this, he would send us a thunderclap and an earth-tremor…You’ve got to do it now, Puzzle. And please don’t let us have any more arguing. You know you don’t understand these things.” See C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle (New York, NY: HarperCollins, 1956), 15.
❲2❳ Lewis, The Last Battle, 76.
❲3❳ This post will primarily focus on abuse carried out by ministry leaders in church contexts, though spiritual abuse can occur in marriages and faith-based work environments.
❲4❳ I will use the term “pastor” to refer to all spiritual authorities in a church setting, including elders in an elder-led model, though obviously many other leadership positions (deacons, youth and music leaders, etc.) are ripe candidacy for spiritual abusers.
❲5❳ For perspective and corrective balance, I can heartily say that for every example of abusive leadership, I have three examples of Christlike, humble, faithful shepherds who quietly love their people well. To all the “flawed but growing” tender shepherds out there, thank you for your service!
❲6❳ “Abuse,” Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/abuse (accessed 3/19/2020).
❲7❳ The Biblical Counseling Coalition, “The BCC Weekend Interview Series: Bob Kelleman on Spiritual Abuse” by BCC Staff, https://www.biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/2011/10/15/the-bcc-weekend-interview-series-bob-kellemen-on-spiritual-abuse/ (published October 15, 2011).
❲8❳ Ruth A. Tucker, theologian, scholar, writer, and survivor of domestic abuse (at the hands of her pastor-husband) writes chillingly: “We are far off the mark if we imagine that today’s theological perspectives or those of decades or centuries past have little to do with the personality and character of the man or woman behind the pen or podium. Indeed, when we listen to preachers, particularly those who have an ax to grind, we would not be off the mark to wonder how their theological perspectives are shaped by their personalities. Is the individual easily threatened and defensive? Such traits are revealing.” Black and White Bible, Black and Blue Wife: My Story of Finding Hope After Domestic Abuse (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2016), 91-92.
❲9❳ Rick Thomas, “8 Signs of Spiritual Abuse” https://rickthomas.net/a-few-signs-of-spiritual-abuse-from-a-pastor/ RickThomas.Net.
❲10❳ I’m giving harsh examples for clarity, but spiritual abuse can manifest in far subtler ways, too, and wear many disguises. If you’re reading this as a person (or pastor) confused about spiritual abuse, consult Rick Thomas’s article: https://rickthomas.net/a-few-signs-of-spiritual-abuse-from-a-pastor/ Rick Thomas, “8 Signs of Spiritual Abuse”, RickThomas.Net
❲11❳ Smart, well-spoken people (especially women) who are not afraid of confrontation can be lightning rods for pastoral abuse. People with the ability to articulate problems or punch holes in bad theology are more likely to come under fire. As Madeleine L’Engle writes: “The first people that a dictator puts in jail are the writers and the teachers because these are the people who have a vocabulary, who can see injustice and can express what they feel about it.” Madeleine L’Engle, Madeleine L’Engle Herself: Reflections on a Writing Life (New York, NY: Convergent Books, 2018), 15.
❲12❳ Spiritual abuse can quickly bleed into physiological problems: chest pains, tension headaches, and insomnia. In all suffering, physical or otherwise, we can experience greater temptation to sin. Some victims may try to numb themselves with food, alcohol, or binge-consumption of TV or social media.
❲13❳ Mary DeMuth, “Ten Ways to Spot Spiritual Abuse” ReStory, https://www.marydemuth.com/spiritual-abuse-10-ways-to-spot-it/ (September 6, 2016).
❲14❳ An equal-but-opposite reaction for some congregants might be arrogance and harshness. They might regard the pastor with a sort of hero-worship and agree with everything he says (thus, they are not treated badly because they comply with and praise the system). If congregants feel confident they can follow the church culture’s rules and run to the pastor’s pace, they will bleed not timidity but pride. They will treat their co-workers, spouses, kids, and relationship with God as another thing to “master” and “get right.” This is burdensome (and toxic).
❲15❳ God’s Word, not human experience, defines Who He is. We are only to follow spiritual authorities to the extent that they are following Christ (1 Cor. 11:1). Yet, as anyone who has been to a doctor’s office or gym class can tell you, we are wired to be persuaded by people who are “experts” in a field, and who hold authority to help or harm us.
❲16❳ When a leader makes Scripture seem indecipherable without elite practices (colored pencils, symbols, original languages, hours of critical thinking, and commentaries by church-approved biblical scholars only), he alienates ordinary people from grace. In an anti-Christlike way, he alienates children and any nontraditional or non-neurotypical learners, the “least of these” (Matt. 19:14; 25:40; Luke 17:2). Thus, instead of being near, approachable, and available to the heart, God’s words feel far away (Deut. 30:14; Heb. 10:16). This is not to say that intense and deep Bible study isn’t valuable or shouldn’t be practiced—it is and it should be! But, when rightly done, serious Scripture study should welcome the hearer, not drive them away.
❲17❳ Spiritually abusive contexts tend to emphasize commands, imperatives, the depravity of man, and the danger of sin. We are “worms” and must “examine ourselves” constantly. For highly anxious, ashamed, or introspective people, this imbalanced emphasis is a recipe for disaster (and distance from God).